How I strive and struggle for control over many things.
I mean God I would just like to take charge and work things the way I’m used to working them.
But we both know that those ways did not necessarily yield good nor favorable results. Rather they only brought on more frustration and unbearable pain.
You’ve reminded me to give it all to you and by your spirit my heart has continually sang the I surrender all song. I have chanted and repeated: For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. I must decrease and He must increase. I must deny myself, pick up my cross daily and follow Him.
But here we are again Lord. Back at it again.
It’s all about me and what I think I can do. I want to be in control just because I would like to know how this whole thing will work itself out. Rather than walking by faith, I’m rooted on the path of fear.
In all honesty, I don’t trust you Lord. Not in this situation.
I know that you are good but once again, I find it difficult to believe that you are truly good.
Can we both just work together? I mean can I use my worldly wisdom while you intervene in a sovereign way and at the end of the day everything will work out for my good? And you know, you can receive glory in that too.
The truth is that I really do want to trust you in this situation but I honestly just don’t know how to. Every part of me is worrying and seriously on the brink of freaking out.
***The Conversation With God
Me: Seriously Lord, what if things don’t work out the way I desire?
God: It will be good for you. (Romans 8:28)
Me: And if things do work out?
God: Then of course that will also be good for you. (Romans 8:28)
Me: So whether things work out or not, it will both be good for me.
God: Yes. You need to trust Me. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Me: Because you are a good Father that will never withhold anything good
from your children? (Matthew 7:11)
Me: And what about my anxiety and the fact that I’m prone to worry?
God: The Holy Spirit will help you.
Me: Oh yes. He is the comforter that was promised and He will also
remind me of these things. (John 14:26)
***Few seconds later
Me: So what can I do while I’m waiting Lord?
God: Keep praying and remember my words. Trust me and be anxious for nothing. (Phil. 4:6)
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” -Philippians 4:6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6
I’m sorry Lord.
The truth is that I have forgotten that you are a Father that delights in your children. Not only are you my Father but you truly do love and care for me. You are for my good, always for my good.
P.s. The conversation above was very much imagined.
Of course I did not really have a conversation with God per se. But I do know what His word says and based on His word, those were the answers I believe God was giving me in response to my questions.
If there is anything I’ve learnt these past few days, it’s that there is a difference between knowing that God is good and believing that He is good. It is easy to profess knowledge about His goodness.
But when it comes down to it, in the midst of uncertainty, what will you do with your knowledge? Will you let it remain as knowledge or will you choose by the grace of God to let it penetrate your heart and firmly hold onto it in faith?
Concerning the title of this post, the truth is that many of us may not be as outright or as honest in letting God know that we do not trust Him. But when we choose to use our worldly wisdom to manipulate certain situations to work out in our favor. Or rather than choosing to walk by faith, we find ourselves rooted on the path of fear and anxiety, we are indirectly letting God know that we don’t think Him trustworthy.
We are subconsciously telling God that we do not trust Him.
Do you also have “imagined” conversations with God? What does that look like?