In All Honesty, I Don’t Trust You Lord

Empty Chairs Conversations With God

How I strive and struggle for control over many things.

I mean God I would just like to take charge and work things the way I’m used to working them.

But we both know that those ways did not necessarily yield good nor favorable results. Rather they only brought on more frustration and unbearable pain.

You’ve reminded me to give it all to you and by your spirit my heart has continually sang the I surrender all song. I have chanted and repeated: For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. I must decrease and He must increase. I must deny myself, pick up my cross daily and follow Him.

But here we are again Lord. Back at it again.

It’s all about me and what I think I can do. I want to be in control just because I would like to know how this whole thing will work itself out. Rather than walking by faith, I’m rooted on the path of fear.

In all honesty, I don’t trust you Lord. Not in this situation.

I know that you are good but once again, I find it difficult to believe that you are truly good.

Can we both just work together? I mean can I use my worldly wisdom while you intervene in a sovereign way and at the end of the day everything will work out for my good? And you know, you can receive glory in that too.

The truth is that I really do want to trust you in this situation but I honestly just don’t know how to. Every part of me is worrying and seriously on the brink of freaking out. Continue reading

The Heavy Burden of Perfection

Heavy Burden of perfection

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. -Psalm 127:1

As humans, most of us strive so hard for perfection.

Feeling the need to be perfect, we stress over what we look like, what others think of us, our performance at work/school, our relationship with others and our many flaws and imperfections.

And by doing this, our gaze is sometimes set so low because all we can think about is “me, myself and I” when our gaze should be up and set on Christ. We obsess over having control over everything in our lives without realizing that what we have control over is pretty limited.

And when we finally fail because we will fail, when we run out of breath or when the weight that we’ve put on our self is now too much to bear, we realize that the little house of perfection we’ve been building all along is about to fall apart.
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In The Deepest Valleys

Deepest Valleys

“How long, Lord ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (Psalm 13:1-2)

There are moments when I’m really good and I feel like my faith is strong.

And then there are moments when I feel really low and I just want to cry and ask why.

These moments can occur more than once in a day. Of course, it seems confusing that a person can experience these surge of emotions, these highs and lows a few hours apart from each other.

But there is someone that we can all relate to in this, King David. Continue reading