How I strive and struggle for control over many things.
I mean God I would just like to take charge and work things the way I’m used to working them.
But we both know that those ways did not necessarily yield good nor favorable results. Rather they only brought on more frustration and unbearable pain.
You’ve reminded me to give it all to you and by your spirit my heart has continually sang the I surrender all song. I have chanted and repeated: For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain. I must decrease and He must increase. I must deny myself, pick up my cross daily and follow Him.
But here we are again Lord. Back at it again.
It’s all about me and what I think I can do. I want to be in control just because I would like to know how this whole thing will work itself out. Rather than walking by faith, I’m rooted on the path of fear.
In all honesty, I don’t trust you Lord. Not in this situation.
I know that you are good but once again, I find it difficult to believe that you are truly good.
Can we both just work together? I mean can I use my worldly wisdom while you intervene in a sovereign way and at the end of the day everything will work out for my good? And you know, you can receive glory in that too.
The truth is that I really do want to trust you in this situation but I honestly just don’t know how to. Every part of me is worrying and seriously on the brink of freaking out. Continue reading