Feeling Condemned During Worship

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Will You accept my praise? Lord, will you accept my worship?

Those were the words that was heavy on my heart as the worship session started in church today.

And it was downhill from there.

I felt like I could not act or pretend like I have not displeased God in most of the things I’ve said, done or thought during the past week.

Sadly, I’ve had worse weeks than this last one; but for some reason, on this particular Sunday, I found it impossible to believe that God was going to accept my worship. I felt unworthy to stand before Him in worship and I was so ashamed that I shied away from praying to God.

Forgetting to look away from myself to remember the grace of God, I felt like the biggest hypocrite standing before Him.

So I wondered, “Will you accept my worship? Lord will you accept my praise?” Continue reading

Broken: Shame On Me God. Shame On Me.

Shame on you God.

Those were the first words that came to my mind as it dawned on me that I will not be going back to school this semester.

As I got off the phone realizing what the person on the other end of the phone a few minutes ago just told me, I became furious.

Angry at God, I broke down crying.

With my finger pointed up and unable to voice out the words, either due to the enormity of the words I was thinking or just my inability to speak at the moment, I was yelling in my mind: Shame on you God!!!

Of course, some minutes later due to my helplessness and pain, I decided to pray to the same God to ask for help and strength.

In all these, my other thoughts that were not as crazy as the first but crazy all the same were: What would people think of me now? I mean, I shared this great testimony about how God made a way out of no way. How God showed me favor before man and I’m now able to go back to school this semester. I should’ve made 100% sure before sharing the testimony. It inspired a lot of people and strengthened their faith. So what will I do now? Go back and say that things didn’t work out? What would people think of me?

These thoughts led me into concluding that I am a big fool. The biggest of them all. Continue reading